Maybe an Ice Cream Is Enough

Today I was feeling bad.

Not something terrible happened bad. Just… bad. I’ve been studying a lot lately, and when I’m not studying, there isn’t really much else happening. I haven’t been going out much. I haven’t been talking to people as much as I would like. And after spending enough time like that, I start feeling anxious and restless and sad and, honestly, a little angry at everything.

Nightmares

 I've started to hate going to sleep.

That is a strange thing to say because I used to think of sleep as something neutral, or even comforting. You get tired, you go to bed, you close your eyes, and for a few hours you don't have to do anything. You don't have to be productive or think about everything that is going on in your life. You just rest. Lately, though, sleep has become something I am genuinely afraid of.

I Thought the Future Would Be Different

 Sometimes I think about the future more than I should.

Not in the way people usually mean when they ask where I see myself in five or ten years. I don't imagine a career, a house, or even a specific version of my life. I never really did. But whatever I imagined adulthood would be, it certainly wasn't this.

On Apologizing for Existing

My boyfriend has pointed out many times that I apologize too much. At first, I never really knew what to say when he mentioned it. I would usually laugh awkwardly, feel a little embarrassed, and sometimes even apologize for apologizing, which honestly just proved his point. It wasn't until he brought it up repeatedly that I started paying attention to how often I actually say "I'm sorry" and, more importantly, why I say it.